Exam Day

It's 4:42 p.m. Exam Day. Exam starts at 7:00 p.m. I should probably be more nervous. It's not as though I've studied the material diligently every night until my brain turned to mush. I've done my work, but I've also been preoccupied with so many projects over the past three months that I really haven't been able to dedicate myself to my studies the way so many students know they should. And yet I'm not worried. I'll be okay.
I dread showing up early, as I always do, to find a classroom full of students reciting course material to each other, trying to soak up every last detail like a dripping sponge, just in case that dreaded question should come up on the paper. They will be tearing through their textbooks and notes, finding comfort in their common anxiety, though it isn't really comforting. It's never been my style. I finished studying yesterday. I looked over my notes today. I put it all away after lunch. The silence is creepy, the calm before the storm.
Waiting is unbearable. I've never been the patient type. The day before my first exam in this program a year ago, when I had no idea what to expect and no clue whether or not I was ready despite my hours of agonizing, I actually had plans to find a quiet patch of grass on the campus before the exam to do some yoga. It never came to that. I sat in rush hour traffic, listening to music, telling myself that 'hey, I learned how to drive once upon a time! I can do this, too!' That only brought me enough comfort not to faint in the driver's seat in the middle of the highway. I read a magazine in the half hour leading up to the exam, I forget which magazine it was. I was reading an article about how word processors have made us illiterate, and the article made mention of how Nietzsche's writing style changed when he came to own a typewriter. He stopped writing essays and began writing in aphorisms. That I knew exactly what the author was talking about made me feel better still, and I wrote the exam, and proceeded to fight off nervous fits for the next three months waiting for a mark I did not expect to be thrilled about... until I found out that I made honours.
So here I am, filling time before yet another exam. This will be my third in this program. It is 4:54. I've plugged in the kettle, not sure what to think of the fact that in six minutes I'll be leaving the office and hitting the highway. It's become a ritual. A large cup of tea in a travel mug that will stay closed until I reach the school, so that it's still hot when I open it. A book to read in the event I need something to do with my hands; today it's "Occidental Mythology" by Joseph Cambell... completely unrelated to law clerking. My iPod is charged up and waiting for me, and I made sure to throw my earphones in my bag. I've set up a tea date for right after the exam with my best friend to take the edge off. All that's left is to make sure I go to the bathroom before the exam (and avoid making a mistake I've learned from several times over, and probably will again), and finish earlier than I need to. And come out on top.